Religion and brain wiring

Religion is all very well and I have spent my life in and around churches. Where it all goes wrong for me is that it is a 'one size fits all' concept. "Take your problems to the altar in prayer" and all that.

The idea that we are all imperfect (sinners) and probably going to hell - thus we are in need of a saviour - tells us that the cards are stacked against us to start with. Supposedly it was Adam and Eve who let evil into the world ('Since by Adam came death') but as I do not actually believe in Adam (and who exactly was there to record the conversation between Eve and the Serpent?) it does not follow that Adam is the cause of all our woes.

For those people whose minds are not 'wired up' correctly - for whatever medical reason - I do not see how religion is going to help. (Yes, I know I have posted on this before: I'm just having a hard time at present)

Not a great morning

Did I work too hard yesterday? I did a lot, anyway. This always seems to have an impact the following day so today I am a bit down. I didn't think I was at first; it has crept up on me.

I got up early (I just woke up) and checked email, had breakfast and got dressed. At 0905 I went out to play bowls which I was happy to do to fill in for another player. I have usually been 'lead' which means I send my bowls down the rink (this is not 10-pin bowling) first. Today I was given the task of being 'third' which is a level of responsibility I am not used to. I floundered as I don't know how to read a head and give the 'skip' advice.

My head started to fog up: I was under pressure and I knew it. Then I started to play less well than I would have liked, so the 'skip' started giving me advice and telling me what I already knew. I don't need that - I can tell when a shot is bad and I know why!!

I didn't enjoy the game and I am glad I am at home.

Now a lot of this is due to my body's response to various factors: fatigue, peer group pressure, self criticsm, lack of self-esteem and all the rest of the baggage we as humans carry. I shall probbaly feel fine tomorrow.

What has this got to do with church?

Well - and I shall not explain this very well - religion, faith and spirituality are put forward as the answer to mankind's problems. Trust in God and all that. What the church is not good at is realising that people respond in different ways on different days. We are all described as sinners and in need of redemption. Some of us are just trying to get through daily life as best we can. We don't need to be told we are imperfect into the bargain.

Where, I suppose, some people do find comfort in religion is in believing that there is a God who loves them despite their faults. So no matter how bad or useless a person believes their family, work colleagues and leisure & social contacts think a person is, then they are supposed to be comforted by the fact that there is an invisible friend in the sky who is on their side.

Me, I just want to lick my emotional wounds and feel better. I want to hide and hope my mind will sort itself out.

No checking up

A friend and I agree that some church congregations can be rather pushy and nosey: they are also keen for people to get involved in things. However, if one stays away for a period of time it is rare that anybody bothers to check up on you.

Following my abrupt exit from the ringing chamber a few weeks ago nobody has contacted me to see how I am. I have - as the amusing mis-quotation goes - passed a lot of water since then and I now understand what happened. (This ought to be the last time I blog about this by the way.)

I dare not go ringing again, even if I wanted to, because there would be too much explaining to do. I suppose people are taking a 'Let sleeping dogs lie' approach, or 'He'll come back when he is ready'.

Relating yesterday's post on Cognitive Dissonance to ringing, I know now that I did not want to give up ringing but I knew that I had to do so. What is more I have known for a while. I was becoming increasingly tense and fed up whilst ringing because I gain so little from it these days. The little I could gain is a decent ring with everyone knowing the method pretty well, which is not much reward for having given up an evening to help people who have made no effort during the past 7 days. This is very common theme in towers.

As a musician I know it is bad to practise and lock in one's mistakes but this is what regularly happens in bellringing because nobody will say anything. I can only bottle things up for so long and then I burst. Add to that the quasi-grief at realising that my ringing days are over and it is no surprise that I made a swift exit.

Perhaps someone in my tower will read this blog and understand that I am not a bad person. The reason I get so depressed in church services is that not even I will storm out of a service for which I am playing the organ: I have wanted to a few times.