Confession

For some reason I was dwelling, today, on my Confirmation in 1970 and I remembered how, a few days before the service, we were required to go to confession. A large group of school pupils were prepared for confirmation (many of us were choristers) and the then Chaplain of the school and the Precentor of the cathedral had us all in the cathedral during the school day for an hour or two. The rehearsal was on a different day.

We were told that we each needed to have a pure heart before we were confirmed and that we needed to make our confession. We were all sent to sit some distance away from each other and think about what we would confess.

Now for Catholics I would not be surprised to learn that this is normal; even these days. However, we were Anglicans and although the rite of confession does exist I doubt it plays as large a part in church-goers' lives as it does for Catholics.

For a child of 11 to be sent into a corner and told to come up with some things to confess strikes me as a form of abuse. I made some things up such as Greed (eating too many sausages!) but I threw in a bit about Hate, as there was a boy I did not like.

I didn't feel any more pure afterwards. In fact I felt the whole things was an excuse for the priests to hear our darkest thoughts!

Stained Glass

A bit of a repeat posting today. I have previously said that, for many years, I was not particularly bothered about stained glass. For some reason I now notice it much more and I have seen some lovely examples in my travels. A photograph never does the glass justice. Light streaming through it brings it to life. This is the example I mentioned in the earlier post.

Long Grass

Many churchyards are well looked-after but even those which are cared-for often have a policy of leaving some of the area to go wild. The image below shows the result which is good for wildlife but not so good for genealogists! Had the headatones been photographed and uploaded to FindaGrave in advance that would have been a compromise.

What you find around organs

On Saturday, when I played for the renewal of vows, the organ console was behind a curtain which meant I was not on view. In general I refer to be tucked away as one would up in an organ loft.

It is also sometimes necessary to work out where one is going to put ones music. There isn't always room on the organ bench. At a recent funeral I found the blower was in a soundproof box right next to the console. On top there were many very old hymn books which had probably been there since the organ was installed! I had to play 'Tetris' (as it were) with the books to create a level surface for my music.

 

Called upon

I am getting called upon to play for quite a lot of services this year. This afternoon I am driving some 23 miles to play for a renewal of wedding vows. There are three hymns and the entrance and exit music is provided by a CD. I have to say the fee is quite large but it was fixed by the church and they even asked if I needed more!

I do worry about driving a long distance, not because of the driving but in case the car gives up and I do not arrive. There - I have jinxed this afternoon already.

I have no idea how many people will be there; I guess it is just close family. I also assume this couple are getting on in years and perhaps this is a milestone anniversary for them.

If they have the bells I shall not go up and ring because they are rather heavy. I went there some 55 years ago but I think they have been rehung since then!

90 minute rehearsal

Over the next few weeks I am filling in at a church where I have not played before but I have tried the organ. I felt I ought to go to choir practice last night as there is a big anthem on Sunday which I will come to in a moment.

I took all the music which has been issued to me and I had already learnt or revised most of it. After a few warm-up hymns we tried the Franck anthem for this coming weekend. After that we went over more of the up-coming anthems including some of those which I am not down to play (as I have to be at another church, so 3 organists are covering the organist's sabbatical).

I had a real blast using my sight-reading skills and was pleased that I am still able to cope with whatever is thrown at me. "The Father's Love" by Simon Lole is really lovely but I had not encountered it before. It starts in E major and suddenly goes to 7 sharps, a few bars later [enharmonically] changing to 4 flats. That kept me on my toes.

I also played "Give us the wings of Faith" and "Be thou my vision" (on the organ which makes it a little harder). To be honest I was in 7th heaven but I could not help remembering the skills passed onto me and encouraged by my organ teachers. I have been extremely lucky to have been taught by them.

When I took up the organ it really mattered if one played the correct notes and it became a matter of pride that I would strive to do so. Consequently, when I won an organ scholarship to a university in the south-west I felt the responsibility of the position. I do not think church music is as highly regarded in some places/parishes as it once was although there are many pockets of excellence around the country and our cathedrals still foster high standards.

In my youth we sang Franck's Psalm 150 at Peterborough and I had wanted to do it at university. The choir laughed and poured scorn on the piece so we never did do it. I have not played or sung it in 50+ years. I do agree it is, perhaps, a little turgid but that was Franck's style: it is good fun.

Standing room only (and not paid yet)

I played for a village funeral yesterday. It was at a small church with a very small organ which is situated in a gallery. The mourners filled the church and also the small gallery and two rather large ladies stood for the whole service. There was a stool next to the organ bench I was using for my music and hymn books which I cleared and offered to the nearest lady, but she declined - twice - as did the second lady.

It was a long service; a good 45 minutes. There were three hymns and three of the deceased's children spoke about his life. Two of these talks were fine but the daughter spoke for 20 minutes which, I felt, was too long. Obviously she was distraught at having lost her father (at 82) but to try to tell his whole life-story was inappropriate: not my choice or business and I daresay the village people would not agree.

The service was also streamed to the village hall because the deceased had been such an important member of the community during his life as a farmer. The singing wasn't too bad but I had to establish the speed of the hymns early on as one loud male vocalist wanted to adopt his own tempi.

I didn't know the family as this funeral was a 20-minute drive away from where I live. However, I did find some of the service moving. Why? - I wondered. I expect that I was recalling the lives of my own departed parents and comparing my relationship with each of them to the relationships being described.

Once home I checked my banking app to see if I had been paid by the funeral directors: they had been very efficient on a previous occasion. I had not been paid so I fired off a polite email to them. The reply came back that the contract was with the church so it was the church who needed to pay me. Next time I will check up how I am to get paid.

"Every day is a school day."

Female Organists

When I was starting my career as an organist there were few female organists. Jennifer Bate and Jane Parker Smith were the only two I recall.

In the late 1970s I tried for an organ scholarship at Cambridge and there were several female organists at the trials (I failed and went elsewhere as an organ scholar).

These days there are many ladies who play just as the church seems full on women priests (the men seem to have abandoned ship). Anna Lapwood is one and Sarah MacDonald is another - to name but two. I've also just recalled the lovely Rachel Mahon whose website seems to be down.

No checking up

A friend and I agree that some church congregations can be rather pushy and nosey: they are also keen for people to get involved in things. However, if one stays away for a period of time it is rare that anybody bothers to check up on you.

Following my abrupt exit from the ringing chamber a few weeks ago nobody has contacted me to see how I am. I have - as the amusing mis-quotation goes - passed a lot of water since then and I now understand what happened. (This ought to be the last time I blog about this by the way.)

I dare not go ringing again, even if I wanted to, because there would be too much explaining to do. I suppose people are taking a 'Let sleeping dogs lie' approach, or 'He'll come back when he is ready'.

Relating yesterday's post on Cognitive Dissonance to ringing, I know now that I did not want to give up ringing but I knew that I had to do so. What is more I have known for a while. I was becoming increasingly tense and fed up whilst ringing because I gain so little from it these days. The little I could gain is a decent ring with everyone knowing the method pretty well, which is not much reward for having given up an evening to help people who have made no effort during the past 7 days. This is very common theme in towers.

As a musician I know it is bad to practise and lock in one's mistakes but this is what regularly happens in bellringing because nobody will say anything. I can only bottle things up for so long and then I burst. Add to that the quasi-grief at realising that my ringing days are over and it is no surprise that I made a swift exit.

Perhaps someone in my tower will read this blog and understand that I am not a bad person. The reason I get so depressed in church services is that not even I will storm out of a service for which I am playing the organ: I have wanted to a few times.

Avoiding Cognitive Dissonance

I recently cut back on my bellringing and yesterday I decided that I need to cut back on some of my organ playing.

I like playing the organ but that is about all I enjoy about church in the 21st century. I have blogged before about Show and Tell, chatter and other aspects of services which bore me rigid - SERMONS!

I have tried to rationalise, in my head, that an incumbent can run a service how he or she likes (actually I wonder if this is the case) and that I am only there to provide the music: the service is not being run to keep me happy. Still, it is fact that I am not happy and I put this down to cognitive dissonance.

I believe my mind struggles to balance the fact that I dislike a lack of order and decorum with the fact that I realise the world has changed and that styles of worship need to appeal to people who seek entertainment from church services. I see, far more, that church is a place where people go to engage in social activity at inappropriate times. I have always disliked the passing of the Peace in services.

So there we are. After September (I am committed until then) I shall reduce my church-going. I still have to consider what I am going to do about church #1 in the benefice as the services are taken by the same vicar. I have not taken to this person. I don't suppose it is the vicar's fault any more than the fact that I don't care to eat fish or play football: neither are things I like.

It is not my place to judge if the priest is good at their job but for someone to assume that everyone is as happy as Larry and run services with such an upbeat and 'game-show' atmosphere certainly makes me feel the job could be done differently.

Howells and a screaming child

Choral Evensong from Selwyn College has just come across my Facebook feed so I have been listening to it. Who the hell takes a screaming kid to choral evensong?

The canticles in the above video are by Herbert Howells whose music was really popular when I was a chorister and, I assume, still is. This music speaks powerfully to me although I did not initially like the St. Paul's Service when I was young, although all ex-choristers love the "Coll. Reg". I think the first set I got to know was the B minor which I have not heard for years.

Listening to Howells' music takes me back and I feel both nostalgic and emotional. I was incredibly lucky to be a chorister under one of the finest choir trainers of his time in a period when church music was highly-valued. We worked hard as choristers and we were urged to aim for perfection: this was an attitude instilled in us. Mistakes, yawns, bad intonation and poor dynamics were frowned upon. Bum notes from the organ were as rare as poo from a wooden horse.

I was also lucky enough to sing in the first performance of Howells' "Thee Will I Love" which was written for Peterborough Cathedral and the commemoration (with a Solemn Requiem) of the 1100th anniversary of the Massacre of the monks of Medehamstede and first performed in Peterborough Cathedral on 9 November 1970: I was 12. This is a long anthem with an absolutely brilliant climactic moment just over a minute in at the word "Reigneth". I once conducted it when I was an organ scholar some 8-9 years later.

I would have liked to have been present at an evensong like this one featured on YouTube but the child would have ruined it for me. I can only assume there is something I do not know as to why this child was there. I had to stop listening to the video as I was totally distracted by the extraneous noise: full marks to the professionalism of the musicians. I simply could get get 'into the zone' as it were. Even the dignified recitation of the Creed was spoilt for me.

It has been a day of spoilt worship. Communion this morning was ruined by [a] Show and Tell church [b] a long sermon which merely retold the old testament reading's story of Elijah and the Baal worshippers. No mention of Father's Day.

I think I simply do not enjoy church any more and I need to stop playing for services which annoy me.

No Gradual Hymn Again

Following previous posts (Here and Here), church #2 of the Benefice in which I play will continue to drop the Gradual hymn whilst church #1 has reinstated it.

It turns out that this is good news for tomorrow - Fathers' day - as I need to get away for lunch. How can it be needed in one place and not in the other? I suspect the answer lies in the size of the congregation.

I am slowly coming round to the idea that not having a Gradual hymn is quite a good idea as it means the service is not as long.

The Solitary Organist

As a bit of a loner I suppose I was always destined to play the organ. One has the power to play quietly or very loudly - I would not be a good flautist. I think I enjoy pulling the stops, pressing pistons, combining timbres and colouring the verses of hymns. In short I like to be in control.

Therein lies a problem. During a service I am captive. There are long periods (such as the sermon!) when I do not play anything and I cannot affect what is going on. At those times I am a nobody.

Other than the hymns I play pre- and post-service voluntaries but people talk during those. I understand my playing is not a recital at those times, but it used to be the case that a congregation would gradually hush as service time approached. Indeed they would have been 'trained' to calm themselves and get into the right frame of mind for an hour of devotion and praise. Would you chatter about the weather, the latest supermarket deal or Mrs Onion's rheumatism moments before meeting the Queen? Why do it just before an encounter with God?

An organist is likely to have been brought up as a chorister and to have had certain kinds of training, as well as having learned by example back in the days when things were done differently. Many of us are not happy bunnies and we feel undervalued. Oddly, we do not necessarily seek more money nor do we want folk to be profuse in their verbal thanks. In my case I want people to say nice things about me behind my back. The sad fact is that the treatment we get leads us to suspect that we are not positively discussed, if we are discussed at all, and that many a church would rather have a praise band (that's link is just to a random one)

More organists are turning to YouTube for satisfaction as they 'Can't get no satisfaction' in church. With the advent of digital organs this easy to do: in my youth when the notion was unthinkable as there was no internet!

Even YouTube does not have all the answers because a chap can fail to attract an audience and the necessary views which will make all the effort worthwhile.

I belong to an Organists' Association but it is made of up of - well - other organists and I don't find some of them very attractice people to be around: I'm sure they think the same about me.

So all this comes down to self image. These days unless one is young, brilliant and probably female the world is not going to pay you much attention.

We chaps just have to get used to it. Perhaps I should change religion.

Short Funeral

I played for a short funeral today by which I mean the service lasted some 20 minutes. There were two hymns and all the readings and the homily were given by the vicar: none of the family spoke.

There has been a 'rush' on funerals recently as the vicar told me. I have another next week at a very small church. The service is to be streamed into the village hall as the church will be packed.

People do use/attend the church when they need it.

Te Deum

With the death of morning prayer (at least in my area) one no longer hears the "Te Deum" sung to music. These days one can get a 'fix' by visiting YouTube where one will find some excellent performances (and other which are less so).

I suppose, as I do not live very near a cathedral, I am not likely to get a chance to hear this sung live. I tried to look at the Peterborough Cathedral music lists but I cannot find them. Neither can I find Coventry cathedral music lists.

Choirs

Choirs are odd. They consist of people with all their quirks, aspirations and levels of ability. Some members will bring a wealth of knowledge and vocal value to the group; some will think they do.

Often there will be one or more strong voices in a choir who will give a lead. This can compromise balance and, if they are away (or if they get a coughing fit or stop singing in the middle of a piece for some other reason) it is really obvious. There was lad who sang loudly when I was a chorister and he was given the nickname 'Boomer'.

These days it is hard to find enough people to cover all the parts (SATB) in parish church choirs and there can be a deficiency in one or more parts. I no longer run a choir. It can be hard work.

Not all the same size

This is the keyboard of the organ I played yesterday for a funeral. It struck me, during one of the spoken parts of the service, that the keys are not all the same width. Look at the G and D for example, which seem to be the widest. The C is very narrow. The thing is, I think, that the centres of the keys are equidistant and the C does have large gaps by the sides.

Curious though.

Funerals

I played for a funeral yesterday at a lovely church which only had a small organ on a balcony. There were 5 stops (but 6 knobs, as one stop has Bass and Treble which is very common because the bass is shared). The organ did not produce a great deal of volume but I was very happy with my playing: rhythm and purpose in playing can lead a congregation better than volume. I played for a good 15 minutes before the service: the congregation had started to arrive 30 minutes early but I let them chatter for a while.

Sad to say the hymn singing was poor, at least up in the balcony where the overflow congregation was seated. 'Crimond' was not too bad but the dreaded 'All things Bright and Beautiful' was dire as was the requested 'The Old Rugges Cross'.

The service was taken well and without awkward pauses. I have another one to play for at the same church next week.

Appeals

It seems to be church appeal time. Two have come my way recently.

The Richard III window project at Barnard Castle.

The 600 appeal at Higham Ferrers, Northants. The link will take you to a page with an audio explanation from Richard Oberman who sang in the choir when I was organist: he is quite a character. One of their (Biblical) ideas is to issue £10 to people and encourage them to return it on Advent Sunday together with extra money they raise from fundraising with an activity they are good at - knitting, baking cup cakes or wood-turning.

Peter not Paul

The readings last Sunday were about Peter - Saint Peter, the rock upon which the church was supposed to be built.

When I was in the 6th form at school I decided to take RE 'A' level (Divinity as it was known at my school) which caused all sorts of problems. (The lad who took it with me become a priest in the Greek Orthodox church!)

Our set books included Romans - St Paul's letter to the Romans which was, let's say, far from inspiring and, sadly, very far from inspiringly taught.

The reasons people are shying away from religion is two-fold.

1. The God of the Old Testament is quite a jealous God who kills (smites) people
2. The New Testament is far too full of the writings of St Paul, IMHO. No doubt he was an interesting guy but I suppose I have little time for him because he liked to lay down the law. I may be wrong.
   

Bell ringing - no local bands

I have been on a bellringing outing today - it is the only ringing I do now. We visited three churches.

The first church had a fair set of bells although I didn't like them. There was no local band although peals have been ring there (sooner them than me). There was a small but well-built organ although mouse droppings were causing problems internally.

The second had some lovely light bells which handled beautifully and the church itself was extremely pleasant. The organ console was extremely tidy which tells me a lot. There had been a local band as was evident from the notice board. The chap who let us in told us that some ringer or other had poached all their ringers and was getting a bad name in the area for putting off other potential ringers. Why does the church not sort this out?

Tower three was one where I had been before. The bells were rehung for the millenium or at least overhauled. They go tolerably well although one should not rush them as some of the band were apt to do. I know the organ is unplayable (and has possibly been removed) because water damage caused £50,000 worht of damage.

As I go around churches I see much the same in mnay placaes. Dust, relics from the past, a failure to tidy up and a make do and mend attitude. In other well-heeled places there is obvious care and a comfortable environment.

Church websites

Many churches now have websites. Unfortunately many of those I have needed to look at are out of date and display erroneous information whereas some are right up to date. 

To find a church one place to go is https://www.achurchnearyou.com/ but I usually just Google the place I am interested in.

As usual the local webmaster is probably a volunteer unless a parish can afford to emply a web content company.

Boris

Boris, our PM, has to go and I am pleased to see that some in the church believe this is indeed the case. Given that Christians believe that one should tell the truth I cannot see that the church can do any other than to object to the PM's deeds, words, actions, outlook, attitudes, wriggling and delaying tactics ("Let's wait for the Sue Gray report")

My parents were staunch Conservatives. I could never vote Labour but the country needs good government. At present we do not have it.

Which art in heaven

The Radio 4 morning service today was from St George's Chapel, Windsor and was a service of Matins. Matins is not as common these days as it once was so it was good to hear it done well.

I particularly liked the old language of the Lord's Prayer.

Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.

The C of E needs to hold onto the traditions of the past. I doubt that other faiths have updated their prayers for years!

People and worship

Small congregations: fact.

This has to be seen in the following context. I played the organ at a local church flower festival this week for an hour on two afternoons. I am told that there was a constant trickle of people during this hour and there was certainly plenty of conversation and interest in the displays near the organ. When I went for my free cream tea the church hall was packed.

I conclude that people are not anti-church as such. In fact they are keen on supporting their local churches and would be devastated were the church to close. Hence, the problem must be that people are not interested in religion, the style of worship offered by the church or sitting in a building for an hour being brainwashed.

What is a church service? It is an hour in which people mumble a few words now and then, sing very badly, get told how wicked they are and spend a few minutes actually praising their creator.

They get told to carry Christ into their daily lives and show him to others. With so many misguided decisions and dishonesty in the world it is easy to get downhearted and fail to do this.

• Partygate and obfuscation from the PM
• The use of bee-killing pesticides
• The stupidity of government in the proposed return to Imperial measures
• Road building on good farm land
• House building on good farm land
• Immigration (unchecked)
  
• the NHS
• Huge salaries for CEOs
• The general malaise in society
• Oh, and war in the Ukraine
• Pollution
• Rising prices
  

What a world we live in. No wonder people do not see the relevance of church. We may pray for things to get better but people have been doing that since the psalms were written.

Odd then, that a few flowers can make then flock to a building.

Busy June

I am busy. I am playing for services every Sunday this month except one and for a Flower festival today and tomorrow. I also have two funerals to play for and a renewal of marriage vows.

The sad thing is that both the funerals both include "All Things Bright and Beautiful" which I have previously mentioned is a terrible hymn.

One of the funerals has come with the instruction to play something uplifting on the way in and on the way out. Talk about vague.

Different organs

Today I am trying out 2 organs. One is in a church where I am filling in for a few weeks until August (not every week) and is 17 miles away from me. It is a nice 2-manual extension organ with a pleasant touch. The stop tabs are arranged in a non-standard order in that the pedal stop tabs are in the middle:; the Swell are on the left and Great on the right.

I am writing this before going out to church #2 which is 17 miles in another direction: I don't usually give places but it is, in fact, at Cold Ashby. It is a small 1-manual organ with very few stops. Essentially they just want hymns for the funeral. Three are sung and there is one each for the entrance and exit.

I have been warned that the organ is not played much and could well be dusty!