Church language

I am uncomfortable with informal church language and much prefer established, traditional vocabulary such as that used in the service of Evensong, I do regularly notice a few peculiar sayings one only hears in church.

I suppose I can excuse "Let us pray" as the alternatives would be...

• Shall we pray?
• We are going to pray now
• And now we are going to have our prayers
• And now Roger Jones will lead us in prayer

The one which really makes me almost retch is "Please be seated". When do you ever hear that phrase other than in church? I presume it has developed because the alternatives are...

• Please sit down
• And now we sit (for the lesson)
• You may now sit
• We sit as (A, B or C happens)
• 'Please take your seats' might be used at a formal dinner function but 'Please take your pews' does not seem to work
  

At Evensong I have only rarely heard posture instructions because, if there are enough regular worshippers there, they lead the way. It is normal to sit for the psalms and stand for the Gloria, so I have heard "We sit during the singing of the pslams for the 6th Evening" (not that many places do a whole evening's-worth of psalms, as we used to when I was a chorister.)

I think my hatred of the phrase "Please be seated" is rooted in the patronising nature of the instruction which reminds me of the controlling nature of instructions uttered at Infant school. Praying was always prefaced with "Hand together, eyes closed."

There is also an element, in the phrase, of allowing people to do something which they really want to do but feel they should not do until invited. Being silly for a moment (and it is my blog) I can imagine

• Please feel free to break wind
• Please cough freely
• Please unwrap a toffee and crumple the cellophane
• Please feel free to let your child wander around church uninhibited

Once again, church language depends upon the person taking the service and, as priests become younger (in relation to me) and perhaps not from a church background they will use more chatty forms of speech.

When I was a chorister the Precentor used the neat phrase, "In the English Hymnal, number 51" Whereas, elsewhere, I have also heard the dreadfully patronising, "We turn now to our green books and find hymn number 51 which is on page [whatever it is] and we stand to sing".