Non Nobis Domine

Where does inspiration come from? After a musically hard day yesterday I opened my emails this morning to find that I had won first prize in an organ music composition competition. Over the years I have written what I consider to be several decent pieces (not all for organ) and I remember the process of writing four of them, knowing that the music was going exactly how it needed to go. In two cases I was emotionally moved as I wrote. In some ways I was channelling an unknown force.

There is another often played piece of mine which I really like (blowing my own trumpet, or flute in this case) and, whilst I can picture myself writing it and adjusting the final page, I have no recollection of the creative process. Other pieces have had to be hewn with a great deal of effort, or cobbled together quickly.

At the Evangelical church I attended briefly, spontaneous contributions from the congregation were welcome and expected (not ‘tongues’ or glossolalia, as that phenomena was only allowed if an interpretation could be introduced almost straight away by somebody else). Once or twice I felt sufficiently moved to speak out – something I would not have done in the C of E, nor would it have been welcome or appropriate! To this day I do not know what came over me and I have not had any kind of religious experience (if that is what it was) since: quite the reverse. I am not counting the urge to speak out in a Café Church discussion, only a couple of weeks ago.

There is something to be said for the view that traditional church worship is stifling spirituality and replacing it with chatter, notices and announcements and what a friend of mine calls “Show and Tell Church” (the “What have you to be thankful for this week?” time, when people just say things to fill the awkward silence). Perhaps this is why people are staying away or going to the more ‘experimental’ type of church. They seem to like exuberance. [I would feel most uncomfortable at a Gospel service.]

So there, I guess, is the reason behind my love of Evensong. It is safe, predictable, cosy and nostalgic. One does not have to be creative, inspired or channel any unknown force. Don’t get me wrong: I am not seeking to be any sort of channel, but it does seem to me that – as one local vicar said of a rival church – [people/churches] ... are afraid to allow God in their worship.

I hesitate to thank God for my success – and the inspiration – in the competition because it is too easy to be grateful when things go right and to wonder if God actually exists when things go sour. I am many things but I hope I am not a hypocrite (if that is the correct word). That said, I do find the thoughts behind “Non Nobis Domine” compelling.